How Important Film is to Me Now That My Mother is Gone
This blog is slightly personal but I thought to share it here, as it relates to my relationship with the artistic medium of motion picture.
On December 14th, I learned that my mother passed. That day and the days that followed were a complete and total blur. I’m still sort of "in it" as I’m only writing this blog one month later. This has been my first loss ever and first time in dealing with the death of a loved one.
My world view is changing and I don’t see a lot of things the way I used to. I savor moments with family members so much more deeply and fully, because of how much I wish I would have in every moment with my mother.
Film is a deep passion of mine and has been for most of my life, but film means something so very different to me now. Now, it’s truly a portal to the past. Shortly after the death of my mother, I found myself pouring over every single file in my computer (as well as hers) and as well as every old external hard drive I can find, seeking to find any bit of footage of her.
Oh god, if I knew over the years just how valuable a video is, I would have had a camera on her every moment we were together. And so, I find myself looking at old footage and digging for the most subtle nuisances; the inflection in her voice on certain words and how they allow me to peer into her thoughts just a little bit more. The freedom in her laughter and the way that we played off each other for our own entertainment. I’d act like a goofball just to get a laugh out of her and we'd laugh until we forgot what we were laughing about. (We called them laugh attacks.)
Those moments are frozen in time now, and because of the magic of film - I’ll always have them. I can show my children when I grow old, how beautiful and genius their grandmother was and that this is where they came from.
I know that weddings and funerals are so much different and perhaps it’s not right that I bring up such a solemn topic on my wedding video company’s blog - but my point here is; never never stop recording videos. Seize every opportunity you can to capture these moments, because I can’t express enough how very important it is to have them. I treasure every bit of footage I can find of my mother now, and I truly wish I had more.